songs stuck in my mind:
Only Hope - Mandy Moore
3seconds - persona akb48
all of me - versity
I for you - Luna sea
crucify my love - x-Japan
tears - x-Japan
endless rain - x-Japan
chigiri
loveless - lc5
you are my love - makino yui
moments - ayumi
maria - ayumi
only you - winter sonata
tears - winter sonata
my memory - winter sonata
love hurts - yiruma

bdea is nearing but ..
find it meaningless to celebrate it..
it just reminds me of the times I failed as a daughter to mama..
and it also made me rmber my father never ever sincerely wanna celebrate my bdea..
the one and only time he bought a cake is when I'm 3yrs old and it had to be 'forced' by my mom then he buy.
if not it's always mama buying the cakes without fail every year when she's still around ..
but not anymore.. no more...
leaving her alone at the ward and room when I'm in hospital at that time,
she waited all the way till I came back then she left.. disappointing daughter ehs ?
even at the last few mths/weeks of her life, I dint really go see her..
dammit seriously..
I'm the worst disappointing daughter to ever have seriously..

and now when I'm lost or down..
I'd think back to the time when mama was already weak and frill and she'd say,
"neng, anything tell me okay? mama would be here and help you when I'm still around"
now, who could I even go to?
no one T.T
あいたいおかさ..

it's too late for everything..
unless it possible to build a time machine..
it's too late ..
okay, no more emo stuffs ..
time to put back on my carefree mask xD
ja-ne ! ~

now tt i know you're protected well enough,

i can finally say my farewell to you silently.

you wont ever be forgotten,

the memories we share from how we knew each other to the first time we met.

everything will stay dearly deep inside my heart.

but it's time to let you go,

time to set you free so tt you cld go beyond your limits.

my job here is done.

to have ppl protect you this young innocent lil girl tt dont know anything.

i'd see you from afar but never will i come near you again.

it's for the best for you.

or so tt's what i think.

 

treasure the guy tt love you endlessly,

i trust he'd be there no matter what.

my girls tt's around you, protecting you now,

i know you'd start to grow up as they wld guide you.

smile.

&lastly,

i love you, goodbye.

omg ! x.x

2days nv go sch le D:

exhausted myself TOTALLY for going sch on time for 9days straight on sch days x.x

 

ytd met up with Bernard again *like AT LAST !*

went to eat shui guo bing ! xD

NICENICEEEE x33

then next stop ECP, he killed like ehhs.. 5 or  6 zhanglang x.x

LOL

then go mustafa cos i wanted to buy kinder surprise ! xD

but ! NO MOREEEEEEEEEEE Dx

thus..

next stop, chongpang nasi lamak ! ^^v

then to yishun dam then to woodlands find his friend [=

didnt know how tired i was till i fell asleep in his car after tt x.x

cos usually im tired when my eyes are dry @.@

ahahahas ~

 

I WANT MY SHUI GUO BING !!!!!!!!!!!!!

x.x

hees ~

 

ok, needa get myself outta the hse and go visit mama first then go sch x.x

die ! ultra late =x

read finished one of the books i bought at kallang leisure park xD

was so into the plot till i took myself as the character x.x

haas ~

 

shall start the next book today {=

&thanks to Xiang for buying dinner&coming down all the way to my work place to pass to me last night*grins*

later gonna meet Bernard le ! xD

yea-ness ~

almost cldnt meet cos he say i nt enough money then if meet then must spend money T_T

jitao change my mood during work lors /=

bahs !

 

wifey's slowly becoming a proper gf for aeon and tt's a good thing,

but now im thinking..

since she is then...

am i a wall for aeon for wifey to become closer to him ?

aeon's a nice good guy and i trust he'd tc of wifey,

so im thinking..

sld i let go of wifey so tt aeon cld get her whole heart instead ?

i really dont know what's right anymore.

from the starting im keeping wifey by my side yet trying to let her accept aeon.

and now tt she has finally accepted aeon and slowly accepting him more..

sld i back out now ?

 

then there's Bernard,

i know his feelings but i cant feel it.

idk my feelings for him totally yet but i only know i look forward to the next time we wld meet.

id be depressed when he'd cancel the meeting or when on 1st apr..

i waited the whole day from work till after work,

nt a single sms from him.

during work i keep looking forward to night time.

but in the end i didnt expect it to be april's fool..

ha /=

each time we meet up it's like..

strangers yet friends but yet the feelings is more than friends.

hais, dunno lurs.

scarly all this is also just another illusion, another replication.

idk the kind of girl he likes,

idk what he's thinking inside,

idk if im boring him or not,

idk if im just making him tired.

 

these few days i keep thinking of these few ex.

Zhiliang, Kenny, Reeves, Gab, Richard, Chunjie

and a guy i love for yrs but idk i cldnt get which is non other than ..

AhBee.

 

Zhiliang he's the kinda bf i wld love to have again but i hurt him, betrayed him.

he shall be the first and last one i ever do tt..

Kenny's my gan didi at first, we were so close, cld seem to read each other's mind.

but once we were tgt we gt nth but quarrels between each other,

i still read his blog time to time, idk why.

Reeves, he's my most recent ex so i cant forget him tt easily no matter how fk he treated me once we were tgt.

all his promises, his words.. all turned to dust once we were officially tgt.

Gab's a nice bf, a guy tt wld stay true to me i know but i guess...

there wasn't any topic we cld talk about, i wld just follow where ever he go with his friends..

Richard..

nice bf, shorter than me but i dont mind.

i'd meet him and mostly go hougang to find him, follow him with his friends,

wait outside when he's playing pool cos tt time i was underage, he'd tc of me when im sick.

but guess whenever he starts work, tt's when we'd break up..

Chunjie, my most hated ex ! ok maybe can fight with Reeves for the most hated ex title ~

lol, he'd control me like idk what, had to delete all my online accounts,

delete all my guy friend's number, when i gt o lvl's paper on tt day he wont believe me,

when im going to sch he wont believe me,

wtf ! hais..

 

Ahbee.

idk why, i just dont know why.

but he's the one and only guy tt wld understand me no matter what personality change i have each time we meet up or even when we dont meet..

read me like a book.

he cld capture my heart and break it into pieces but my heart wld still go to him..

every single memories i'd rmber, our quarrels, the sweetness,

how he treats me, how he came to hospital to find me,

how he'd still pay for me no matter how broke he is.

every single thing bout him..

cld never ever be forgotten..

ii wld still cry when thinking bout the time i found out he smokes,

then he'd chase me ask me sit down awhile at the side of orchard road,

bring out his mp3, plugging one side to my ear and the other side to his...

wiping my tears away with his finger,

we'd continue walking then he put his arm around my shoulder like how close buddies wld.

then he'd suddenly call me and i turned.

he planted a kiss on my cheeks, i blushed and idk how to react thus i walked faster..

he'd chase up to me then i'd keep looking down to the floor.

haas ~

koh beng san .. how you make me go crazy over you..

and guess what..

i might still be..

though i know you and me is impossible..

you're also the first tt ever called me on the strike of my b'dea then you'd sing Happy Birthday to me when i said hello,

all those memories i keep dear to my heart.

how many yrs have it been ?

coming to 5yrs sinced i first met you in oct.